impatience and stubbornness?
by April Buhler
This morning I look out at the winter wonderland, snow covering the whole city, and I am so grateful for my cozy slippers and steaming cup of coffee. Honestly, I hate snow, but unfortunately for me my kids love it.
Earlier this week they all woke up eager to go outside and start playing. I delayed as long as possible but inevitably I got everyone bundled up, a thermos full of hot chocolate and some cookies and we headed over to the park. I stood at the bottom of the hill, my toes shivering counting the moments until it was reasonable for me to say its time to go home. Then I felt my youngest son tapping on my leg, “Watch Mummy,” he said. He then proceeded to jump head first down the hill like a penguin in the artic. He slid all the way down yelling belly slide and giggling. As he reached the bottom of the hill he looked up at me and said “ Me love the snow, this is the best day ever, ever.” I smiled and looked up to the top of the hill where the other two came barrelling down the hill laughing uncontrollably. I had been so busy waiting to leave that I almost missed enjoying the pure joy my kids were experiencing.
After a long day of school, play, cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, naps, workout, reading, refereeing and so on I was anxiously awaiting bed time. Bedtime was the conclusion of the day as “mom.” Once everyone was in bed and settled, I was off the clock. I had successfully made it through another day and I could have a few moments to my self. The younger two were asleep, my oldest was settled and I was just tucking in my daughter, who is notorious for bedtime excuses. I gave her a kiss and said good night, she grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. “Mama,” she said, “do you know something…” Oh, great I thought, here we go. I just want you to go to sleep so I can have a break. I turned to her and prepared to tell her to go to sleep. Then she said to me, “ I love you mama, more then anything else. I’m so glad Jesus gave me a mommy like you.” My heart felt warm and I smiled at her and cuddled in beside her. She continued to talk through her day and shared her ideas and thoughts with me. She finally drifted to sleep and I was able to sneak out. I plopped down on the couch and smiled. I was so busy trying to get them to sleep I almost missed a precious moment that I will treasure in my heart for ever.
One last story, today my son was playing with a drill set. He was happily sitting on the floor drilling the screw in and out. He got to the end and began to get frustrated because he had no more screws left. I told him there was more in the playroom. But he sat there crying and angry trying to find more under the couch, under the table, and in the train basket. I continued to remind him that they are in the playroom. After about 20 minutes of frustration he finally conceded and went to retrieve the extra screws in the playroom. I thought, wow he is so busy being stubborn, he just wasted so much time.
I know not all of you have kids and so these stories may seem pointless, but stick with me for a minute. How many of you have been so focused in one direction, you missed the elephant on the road in front of you? How many of you have tried and tried to do what you thought was right, only to find out God had different plans?
On Sunday pastor spoke about Abraham. He tried so hard to have a baby his own way with Hagar. Although Abraham and God had the same goal, Abraham was trying to achieve that goal with his own impatience and stubbornness.
I have my own goals, my own ideas about how things should go, whether it be in a day or an evening, a month or a year. God used small events, like sledding and bedtime this week to remind me to stop holding onto my plan so tightly. If we are determined to do things our way we may delay the great blessings God has in store for us.
Sometimes the plan God has for us feels scary. When I was a child, I used to ask my mom almost every day, “What are we doing today?” I probably drove her crazy but I always wanted to know what was ahead. As an adult you would think I would have that control, but God has other ideas. He has placed me in a situation of unknowns. It’s a painful place to be at times. Anxiety so easily grips my heart. I have a plan, my own ideas about how the future should look but God wants to keep me utterly dependent on him as he unravels his plan for me.
Whether you are a control freak like me, or going with the flow comes naturally to you, God has a plan for each of us. As I have been challenged this week, I share with you…Keep your heart open to what God is doing in your life. Let’s not be so busy trying to get where we think we should be that we miss where God is directing us!
Whether you are a control freak like me, or going with the flow comes naturally to you, God has a plan for each of usApril Bakundukize
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